France Sucks Ass.

Contrary to what millions of tourists that visit France each year believe, France sucks. The people are rude, cocky and to put it bluntly, the French are assholes. How can anyone take France seriously? I'm talking about a country that has been invaded by countless warlords and empires throughout history. This short list includes Julius Caesar, Germanic tribes, Nazi Germany and more recently, stuck-up pricks. France criticizes the U.S. over most of our foreign policy, most notably, the War on Terror and the invasion of Iraq. While I'm the first to admit that our president is a bonafide idiot and a complete moron, the French should stop being such cry-baby whiny pussies.

One of the main reasons I can't give France any respect is the futility and character of their military. This country gave rise to one of the biggest douchebags in history (forgive my play on words), Napoleon Bonaparte. Despite his diminutive size, Napoleon is one of the most spectacular assholes the world has seen. We can all thank this clown for all the annoying short guys who try to act all hard and aggressive to make up for the fact that they are nothing more than short pieces of shit.

Another fine example of the French military tradition occurred during World War II. Nazi Germany and that douche Hitler (with some help from Italy) invaded all of France in a little over a month. Let me repeat that, a country that is about 12 million square miles and who was a supposed "world power" was conquered, bitch-slapped and gagged in a little over a month. I mean come on, France, at least put up a fight. Defend your capital, launch some grenades, fire a couple of rounds at the bad guys at least. Don't just bend over and take it. That has to rank as one of the most embarrassing defeats of any world power in history.

Try looking up "French Military Victories" on the Google search engine. You'll get this search result: "Did you mean: French military defeats?"

I don't know why France is such a joke. It might be the years of military embarrassment, or the fact that the most recognizable landmark in Paris is this:

The French consistently hate on the U.S. about everything we do. This can be seen by the way they villianize American heroes and do everything possible to undermine American achievements. Lance Armstrong survived cancer and won a record 7 straight Tour de France competitions. Winning one was amazing enough, but seven is just remarkable. The French have been accusing Armstrong of blood doping and steroid use for years despite any concrete evidence. They're just jealous that an American dominated their shitty competition. The French are notoriously stuck-up pricks and they think they're better than everyone. I'm really glad that Italy won this past World Cup instead of France. The French team is full of assbags. They have some guy nick-named "Scarface". That alone is pretty bad. Then you have their captain, Zinedine Zidane, showing the attitude of the team with this little display of character:

France is just plain shitty. I'll give them some credit though. The only good thing to ever come out of France is Grey Goose vodka. It's so smooth and delicious. Besides that, France contributes nothing to this world. They can keep complaining and crying about the U.S. but you can be sure that the next time some evil warlord attacks France, they'll run away with their tail tucked between their legs and ask the U.S. and Great Britain for help. In short, France sucks ass.

Oh yeah, and Tony Parker is a douche.