Wednesday, May 23, 2007

France Sucks Ass.

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Contrary to what millions of tourists that visit France each year believe, France sucks. The people are rude, cocky and to put it bluntly, the French are assholes. How can anyone take France seriously? I'm talking about a country that has been invaded by countless warlords and empires throughout history. This short list includes Julius Caesar, Germanic tribes, Nazi Germany and more recently, stuck-up pricks. France criticizes the U.S. over most of our foreign policy, most notably, the War on Terror and the invasion of Iraq. While I'm the first to admit that our president is a bonafide idiot and a complete moron, the French should stop being such cry-baby whiny pussies.

One of the main reasons I can't give France any respect is the futility and character of their military. This country gave rise to one of the biggest douchebags in history (forgive my play on words), Napoleon Bonaparte. Despite his diminutive size, Napoleon is one of the most spectacular assholes the world has seen. We can all thank this clown for all the annoying short guys who try to act all hard and aggressive to make up for the fact that they are nothing more than short pieces of shit.
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Another fine example of the French military tradition occurred during World War II. Nazi Germany and that douche Hitler (with some help from Italy) invaded all of France in a little over a month. Let me repeat that, a country that is about 12 million square miles and who was a supposed "world power" was conquered, bitch-slapped and gagged in a little over a month. I mean come on, France, at least put up a fight. Defend your capital, launch some grenades, fire a couple of rounds at the bad guys at least. Don't just bend over and take it. That has to rank as one of the most embarrassing defeats of any world power in history.

Try looking up "French Military Victories" on the Google search engine. You'll get this search result: "Did you mean: French military defeats?"
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I don't know why France is such a joke. It might be the years of military embarrassment, or the fact that the most recognizable landmark in Paris is this:

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The French consistently hate on the U.S. about everything we do. This can be seen by the way they villianize American heroes and do everything possible to undermine American achievements. Lance Armstrong survived cancer and won a record 7 straight Tour de France competitions. Winning one was amazing enough, but seven is just remarkable. The French have been accusing Armstrong of blood doping and steroid use for years despite any concrete evidence. They're just jealous that an American dominated their shitty competition. The French are notoriously stuck-up pricks and they think they're better than everyone. I'm really glad that Italy won this past World Cup instead of France. The French team is full of assbags. They have some guy nick-named "Scarface". That alone is pretty bad. Then you have their captain, Zinedine Zidane, showing the attitude of the team with this little display of character:
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France is just plain shitty. I'll give them some credit though. The only good thing to ever come out of France is Grey Goose vodka. It's so smooth and delicious. Besides that, France contributes nothing to this world. They can keep complaining and crying about the U.S. but you can be sure that the next time some evil warlord attacks France, they'll run away with their tail tucked between their legs and ask the U.S. and Great Britain for help. In short, France sucks ass.

Oh yeah, and Tony Parker is a douche.

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14 comments:

mel kiper fan said...

Talk about incompetence. The French should have learned a thing or two from us. It's funny how an army of minutemen armed with pitchforks won their independence from the British. America wasn't even a country yet and still put up a fight that the French can only dream about. I would have loved to see Hitler try and invade us during WWII. The Nazis might have been able to conquer Colonial America, even though George Washington "The General" wouldn't have let them go quietly, but as we all saw in WWII they were no match for a REAL world power. Look at how Hitler just folded, once the Americans entered the war. He was so tired of getting his shit ruined that he committed suicide. They'd be speaking German in France right now if it weren't for us. Goddamn the French are pathetic.

I mean just take a look at the military leaders that our great country has produced...GW, Andrew "Old Hickory" Jackson, Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, Ulysses S. Grant, Ike Eisenhower, George S. Patton, and hell I'll even throw in General Hummel from the The Rock. It's pretty bad when the only military leaders that a country can boast is a bunch of Kings named Louis and Napolean...holy fuck.

Joey said...

I shouldn't throw all French under the bus, but the few I have met are pompous and straight fuckbags. My T.A. David Cromwell from Math 226 was a complete and utter douche. (not douchebag, the acual douche I am referring to) Anyway, the few I have met claim to be sexually superior and romantic to just about everybody, including Robert Redford.That pisses me off because chicks are supposed to dig warriors with face and body scars. Never have I met people so prideful of a country that they don't care to defend with their lives. Like RG3 said, Germany vs. France during WW2 was like if Tyson fought an infant. If the U.S. had done the job right, we would have permanently occupied France and there would be a fuckin Disneyland instead of the Eiffel Tower. In fact, if Patton had it his way, the world might belong to the United States as we might have taken out the Soviet Union as well.

While I'll never forget the look on Raf's face when I confessed my partial French descent, I will admit that the French are pretty shitty. And I personally look forward to the history info from Mel Kiper Fan this semester.

cb4 said...

fuck you all dirty american bunch of fat assholes. you only write shit incompetent fuckers. nique ta mere

cb4 said...

do us all a favour and erase this shit page from the net. everything in it is a fuckin lie from a stupid asshole, who has nothing other to do then criticize others. With such a shit you americans wonder that we hate you. you are really funny people lol. If I would criticize the us, I would have to write sixty pages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RG3 said...

Hey "cb4" FUCK YOU. Do us a favor and choke yourself. We don't need you polluting this world any longer... asshole.

Me 2.0 said...

they do suck!!!!11111one111!!!!

iagree said...

isn's pretty funny how both the frenchies that posted something on here all said something along the lines of,"fucking american asshole! we saved you in WWIII! you shall be grateful for our wonderful contribution to this world we have made so great! la bleu de att'et's'df deh der ut'e'e'h'!" yes,i extensively exaggerated in that and i was making fun of their stupid language. btw,i purposely put in "WWIII", that wasn't a typo.

richard said...

Oh yeah, the French are technically what they call cheese-eating surrender monkeys. I don't think that all of French people are assholes just a vast majority of them. They're so arrogant, no wonder why the Americans usually refer to them as assholes, and make fun of them e.g. that skunk on looney tunes that had that thick French accent. LOL

TIMOTHY said...

french people gave us nothing but french fries,and toast and even the very thin pancakes i think you call the crap or something like that,and usc sucks ass i'd like 2 shit on all of your backs seriously ;) NOTRE DAME RULES YOU FAGGOTS !

jayfost said...

The French Charlemagne SS were the last defenders of Hitler's Führerbunker, remaining at the bunker until 2 May to prevent the Soviets from capturing it on May Day.[6

Isaac David Reyes González said...
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Isaac David Reyes González said...
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Isaac David Reyes González said...
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Samuel Cour said...

Hey guys !!
Did you know that french army help american to be independant ! YEAH MAN !! Without us you would still english ! xD
You don't know any thing about us !

France is the 4th army of the world, the 3rd nuclear power and the 7th economic power !

Napoleon was one of the best strategist of the history : with him, France conquer Germany, Austria, Russia, North Africa, and lot of other countries in Europa and Asia. Did you know that a large part of USA and Canada was French before, yeah man !

Don't say that France never won war : 1 century ago, France had 1/4 of the world. America never did that. America never really won war since world war 2. LOL !!!
I love America, but dudes like you fuckin' suck !! I just wanna kick your ass with eiffel tower !

We are strong, and I fuck you bastard !! Do you think americans are better ? You're obese, selfish, you don't care about the others, fight for power and money and you're stupid to !

If lot of French dislike Americans, it is because of people like you who despise every body who is not like you.
But you will see, one day, America will fall (because of chinese maybe), and you will hope to have friends, so be carreful...