EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Les Miles

I recently had an opportunity to sit down with Les Miles as he arrived in New Orleans for LSU's upcoming game against Ohio St. Here's the transcript of the USC Sports Talk EXCLUSIVE interview with Coach Miles himself:

RG3: Thank you, Coach Miles for taking the time to sit down with me. I know you're busy preparing your team for your upcoming arbitrarily arranged game.

Les: No problem. Anything for a fan.

RG3: Who the fuck said I was a fan? Anyways, is your team prepared for this game?

Les: My team is ready. My DAMN strong team is ready for this game. Hell, we come from the SEC, the best conference in the nation.

RG3: Don't you think that LSU was lucky to get into this bowl game considering you lost TWO games and you lost late to a mediocre Arkansas team?

Les: Hold on now, my team is undefeated in regulation. We lost two triple-overtime games and we played in the hardest conference...

RG3: Undeafeted? WTF? You lost two games.

Les: Yeah, but not in regulation.

RG3: But you LOST two games. Those games went down as losses.

Les: All I know is that my team is undefeated in regulation.

RG3: Well then sir, you are a fucking idiot. Now please answer me this, what's up with all the fuss you caused with the alleged Michigan job?

Les: Well, my alma mater came calling and I was looking forward to coaching there but like I said, I have a DAMN strong team here.

RG3: You were a real asshole during the press conference you called before the SEC championship game. Why do you come off as such a douche?

Les: You see, I don't like rumors spread about me. I have a DAMN strong team and we're just trying to win.

RG3: You didn't answer my question, why are you such a fucking asshole?

Les: Well, I guess it's because I lick so much ass. Always have, since I was very little. You are what you eat, right?... haha

RG3: Now coach, I heard that you like golden showers? Is this true?

Les: Yes! I fucking love them. I like that warm feeling you get when you're showering in piss. It makes my nipples so hard!

RG3: That's fucking gross. You're a sick man. Anyways, I have better shit to do than to listen to you ramble on. I just wanted to tell you that your team is a FRAUD and that everyone hates you for being such a narcissistic prick. Eat shit.

Les: Geaux Tigers!

RG3: Geaux FUCK yourself.

After that, I punched Coach Miles in the face and he left the room like a whipped dog. I had never felt so good in my life after hitting that asswipe. All I can say is FUCK Les Miles.

Weekend Recap

Week 8 brought us another slew of upsets and random shit going on in college football. I know it's a bit late, but here's the weekend recap:

USC 38 Notre Dame 0
We won a game convincingly for once! Good shit. Mark "The Dirty" Sanchez threw 4 TD passes and staked his claim for the starting spot this week against Oregon. For once, our team didn't suck ass against a lowly opponent and USC handled their business. USC dominated Notre Dame in every aspect of the game and handed "Mom Jeans" Weis and the Irish another loss to their dismal season. It's a shame that Jimmy Clausen didn't get a chance to see what he would have been up against everyday at practice if he had signed with USC. Fuck that guy.

Note: Jimmy Clausen revealed that he is of Italian decent, and therefore a Guido.

Douche.

The Clausen Crew

LSU 30 Auburn 24
Those cunt muscles from LSU should have lost this weekend, but they managed to squeak out a victory against a tough Auburn team who had them by the balls but let go at the end. Miles and Co. are bound to fall sooner or later and the world will be a better place. Candy will taste sweeter, and the sun will shine brighter when this happens.

Rutgers 30 South Florida 27
You know the 2007 college football season is weird when this game matters.

UCLA 30 Cal 21
Cal decided to bend over and take one from Dorrell and the band of misfits at the Rose Bowl. Apparently UCLA is atop the Pac-10 standings for now. It shouldn't be long before the Ruins remember that they're a joke of a program and start losing. Cal is done.

The weekend also left us with one of the most disgusting images in recent memory:

Kansas coach Mark Mangino gives obesity a new meaning. This guy is fucking disgusting.

Big game this week against the Oregon Ducks at the Autzen Zoo. It should be a tough game for both teams. I just hope USC can stop the spread offense and slow down Dixon and Stewart. More on that throughout the week...

Feast On That

Week 7 brought us another crazy weekend in college football. USC played pretty fucking shitty again, but at least this time we won against Arizona. More on that later, but what really brought joy to me this weekend was seeing this:

It felt so relieving to see Les Miles frustrated on the sidelines and somber in his press conference. That guy is a fucking douche if there ever was one. I bet his own family hates his guts, assuming there was a woman brave enough to put up with that piece of shit in the first place. LSU lost to a very good Kentucky team on the road. I know what it feels like to lose those triple overtime games at the wire (see Cal 2003). It's a real shitty feeling, and I know LSU fans are hurting. Shit happens though and Les Miles is a cunt, so fuck him.

Then to top things off, as I'm enjoying a nice meal of chicken wings and beer at Hooters, Cal loses to Oregon St. on a bonehead play by their redshirt freshman QB. Cal drives down the field in an attempt to tie the game with a field goal, only this cat decides to be a hero and scramble for a first down and runs out the clock in the process. What a fucking idiot. It was such a good ending to a day that saw LSU fall.

The first BCS poll comes out today and I'm sure USC will be pretty far down the rankings, but with the way this season is going, anything can happen. Big game today in Dallas with the hated Patriots and Bill Belicheat visiting the Cowboys at Texas Stadium. Hopefully Romo can pull this one out. It's also Notre Dame week, so expect a lot of hate and venom aimed this week at Charlie "Mom Jeans" Weis and the Irish. Feast on that.